It was the first day of school, after summer vacation and time for me to pick up the children in my school bus and take them home again. After I had made the complete run that afternoon, one little boy remained on the bus.
Thinking he had simply missed his stop, I started driving slowly back through the neighborhood and asked him to be sure to let me know if any of the houses or people looked familiar. The boy sat in his seat contentedly and shook his head whenever I asked him if he recognized a person or place.
After the second unsuccessful tour of the area, I started back to the school to ask for his address. When we arrived, the child got off the bus and started walking away.
“Wait!” I called. “We have to go inside and find out where you live.”
“I live right there,” he said, pointing to a house across the street. “I just always wanted to ride in a school bus.”
The child and his mother:
A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”
The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”
The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”
Q: What is black; white; green and bumpy?
A: A pickle wearing a tuxedo.
Q: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
A: Nacho cheese!
Q: What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
Q: What’s the best thing to put into a pie?
A: Your teeth!
Q: Waiter, this food tastes kind of funny?
A: Then why aren’t you laughing!
The young man was at the end of his training, soon he would go on to be a teacher. Like all good pupils, he needed to challenge his teacher and to develop his own way of thinking. He caught a bird, placed it in one hand and went to see his teacher.
‘Teacher, is this bird alive or dead?’
His plan was the following: if his teacher said ‘dead’, he would open his hand and the bird would fly away. If the answer was ‘alive’, he would crush the bird between his fingers; that way the teacher would be wrong whichever answer he gave.
‘Teacher, is the bird alive or dead?’ he asked again.
‘My dear student, that depends on you,’ was the teacher’s reply.
The Four Smart Students
One night four college students were out partying late night and didn’t study for the test which was scheduled for the next day. In the morning, they thought of a plan. They made themselves look dirty with grease and dirt.
Then they went to the Dean and said they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their way back the tire of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back. So they were in no condition to take the test.
The Dean thought for a minute and said they can have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they will be ready by that time.
On the third day, they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.
The Test consisted of only 2 questions with the total of 100 Points.
1) Your Name? __________ (1 Points)
2) Which tire burst? __________ (99 Points)
Options – (a) Front Left (b) Front Right (c) Back Left (d) Back Right
Moral of the story: Take responsibility or you will learn your lesson.
A smile costs nothing, but gives much.
It enriches those who receive, without making poorer those who give.
It takes a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.
None is so rich or mighty that he can get along without it, and none is so poor, but that he can be made rich by it.
A smile creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in business, and is the countersign of friendship.
It brings rest to the weary, cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and it is nature’s best antidote for trouble.
Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone, until it is given away.
Some people are too tired to give you a smile;
Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give.
You have stormy day and sunny day, anyway you smile at both.
You have days of impoverishment and abundance, anyway you smile at both.
You have days of disappointment and encouragement, anyway you smile at both.
You have days of failures and success, anyway you smile at both.
You have days of criticism and appreciation, anyway you smile at both.
Smile, smile to keep yourself going.
A story about trust.
A baker and a farmer had an agreement, the baker got butter from the farmer and the farmer got bread from the baker. After a while the baker noticed that the pieces of butter from the farmer, that should weigh three pounds, became lighter and his scales agreed with him. He got angry and went to court to complained about his butter supplier. “The baker claims your pieces of butter do not have the required weight” the judge said to the farmer, “this piece of butter should weigh three pounds, but it weighs much less.”
“That’s impossible, Mr. Judge” the the farmer said, “I check the weight every time.” The judge than said: “Maybe your weights are incorrect!”. The farmer replied in dumb amazement: “My weights? I do not have any weights, I never use weights.” The judge replied: “So if you do not have weights, how do you check the weight of the butter?”. The farmer said: “Quite simply, I get my bread from the baker and he gets butter from me. A loaf of bread weighs three pounds so put my butter on the left scale and a bread on the right side!”
A Parent’s Prayer
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my sanity to keep.
For if some peace I do not find,
I’m pretty sure I’ll lose my mind.
I pray I find a little quiet,
Far from the daily family riot.
May I lie back and not have to think
About what they’re stuffing down the sink,
Or who they’re with, or where they’re at
And what they’re doing to the cat.
I pray for time all to myself
(did something just fall off a shelf?)
To cuddle in my nice, soft bed
(Oh no, another goldfish–dead!)
Some silent moments for goodness sake
(Did I just hear a window break?)
And that I need not cook or clean
(well heck, I’ve got the right to dream)
Yes now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my wits about me keep,
But as I look around I know,
I must have lost them long ago!
Pearls of Wisdom
- If you’re too open minded, your brains will fall out.
- Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
- My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
- For every action, there is an equal and opposite government programme.
- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
- Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
- A balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand.
- Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
- Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
- Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.
Alphabetic Advice For You
A B C
Avoid boring company.
D E F
Don’t Entertain Fools.
G H I
Great Heroes Incorporated.
J K L M
Just Keep a friend Like Me.
N O P
Never Overlook the Poor and needy.
Q R S
Quit Reacting to Silly tales.
T U V
Tune Urself to Victoryl
W X Y Z
We Xpect You to Zoom ahead in life.
Mulla Nasruddin and Blanket
One winter night while Mulla Nasruddin was sleeping he heard a noise that was suddenly made in the street. Having covered himself with his blanket, he came out to know the cause of the noise. Suddenly a smart thief robbed him of his blanket and ran away. He came back home without the blanket. In reply to his wife who was asking about the reason for the noise, Mulla Nasruddin said, “All the quarrel was about my blanket.”
Mulla Nasruddin and Turban
The wit and wisdom of Mulla Nasruddin never leaves him tongue-tied. One day an illiterate man came to Mulla Nasruddin with a letter he had received.
Mulla Nasruddin, please read this letter to me. Mulla Nasruddin looked at the letter, but could not make out a single word. So he told the man.
I am sorry, but I cannot read this. The man cried:
Shame, Mulla Nasruddin! You must be ashamed before the turban you wear (i.e. the sign of education).
Mulla Nasruddin removed the turban from his own head and placed it on the head of the illiterate man, said:
There, now you wear the turban. If it gives some knowledge, read the letter yourself.
Mulla Nasruddin and Three Wise Men
One day some wise men, who were going about the country trying to find answers to some of the great questions of their time, came to Mulla Nasruddin’s district and asked to see the wisest man in the place. Mulla Nasruddin was brought forward, and a big crowd gathered to listen.
The first wise man began by asking, “Where is the exact center of the world?”
“It is under my right heel,” answered Mulla Nasruddin.
“How can you prove that?” asked the first wise man.
“If you don’t believe me,” answered Mulla Nasruddin, “measure and see.”
The first wise man had nothing to answer to that, so the second wise man asked his question. “How many stars are there in the sky?” he said. “As many as there are hairs on my donkey,” answered Mulla Nasruddin.
“What proof have you got of that?” asked the second wise man.
“If you don’t believe me,” answered Mulla Nasruddin, “count the hairs on my donkey and you will see.”
“That’s foolish talk,” said the other. “How can one count the hairs on a donkey?”
“Well,” answered Mulla Nasruddin, “How can one count the stars in the sky? If one is foolish talk, so is the other.” The second wise man was silent.
The third wise man was becoming annoyed with Mulla Nasruddin and his answers, so he said, “You seem to know a lot about your donkey, so can you tell me how many hairs there are in its tail?”
“Yes,” answered Mulla Nasruddin. “There are exactly as many hairs in its tail as there are in your beard.”
“How can you prove that?” said the other.
“I can prove it very easily,” answered Mulla Nasruddin. “You can pull one hair out of my donkey’s tail for every one I pull out of your beard. If the hairs on my donkey’s tail do not come to an end at exactly the same time as the hairs in your beard, I will admit that I was wrong.”
Of course, the third wise man was not willing to do this, so the crowd declared Mulla Nasruddin the winner of the day’s arguments.
True Incident: During a Jumah Khutbah in a small town, an Imam talked about the significance of saying “Insha Allah” (which means if Allah wills) when planning to do something in the future. After a few days, a man who had also attended the Khutbah was going to buy a cow from the market. On the way, he met a friend who asked him where he was going. He told him about buying the cow but did not say Insha Allah in the end. His friend reminded him about the Khutbah and told him to say Insha Allah. However, this individual said that he had the money he needs and the energy to go to the market, thus, there is no point of saying Insha Allah as he will certainly buy the cow. He thought that saying Insha Allah will not make any difference.
When he reached the market, he found a cow that met his expectations. He bargained with the seller and came to a reasonable price. Finally, he decided to pay for the cow but was dumbfounded when he discovered that his money was missing. A thief had stolen the money while he was walking through the busy market. The cow seller asked him whether he was going to buy the cow or not. “Insha Allah, I will buy it next week,” he said. When he reached home, his wife inquired about the cow. He told her about how he forgot to say Insha Allah, and also added, “Insha Allah, I wanted to buy the cow. But Insha Allah, my money was stolen. Insha Allah, I will buy it next week.” His wife clarified to him that we should say Insha Allah for things that are yet to happen, not for those things that had already happened. He never forgot his “Insha Allah” again.
An Imam got up after the Friday prayers, and announced to the people “I have some good news and some bad news for you. The good news is, we are going to have enough money for the conception of our new building program. The bad news is, the money is still there in your pockets”.
The famous Mulla Nasruddin once send to a group of people, “I caused an entire tribe of horrible and blood thirsty bedouins to run after me”.
“However did you do that?” asked a person.
“Easy” said Mulla Nasruddin.
“I just started to run and they all ran after me”.
Once a man was offering salah (namaz) in his room. He was praying as fast as he could, as many of us do. All of a sudden he heard a sound and someone entered the room, he started doing his rukus and sajoods longer. After the completion of his salah, he looked back to see who it was. To his amazement, it was a cat, who had some how found its way into his room.